1
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:09,388
♫ Ground floor: perfumery,
stationary, and leather goods

2
00:00:09,389 --> 00:00:12,028
♫ Wigs and haberdashery,
kitchenware and food

3
00:00:12,029 --> 00:00:14,279
♫ Going up

4
00:00:18,068 --> 00:00:21,045
♫ First floor: telephones,
gents ready-made suits

5
00:00:21,046 --> 00:00:23,731
♫ Shirts, socks, ties,
hats, underwear, and shoes

6
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:25,982
♫ Going up

7
00:00:29,758 --> 00:00:32,515
♫ Second floor: carpets,
travel goods, and bedding

8
00:00:32,516 --> 00:00:35,279
♫ Materials, soft furnishing,
restaurant, and teas

9
00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:37,697
♫ Going down

10
00:00:43,634 --> 00:00:45,742
Oh, oh look. Oh, me suspenders broke.

11
00:00:45,743 --> 00:00:48,046
I'll have to go and do a repair job.

12
00:00:48,047 --> 00:00:49,200
Do it here if you like.

13
00:00:49,201 --> 00:00:53,301
You should be so lucky.

14
00:00:53,302 --> 00:00:56,278
Beverly here. I'm in the
ladies and gents department.

15
00:00:56,279 --> 00:00:57,623
Can you hear me, Seymour?

16
00:00:57,624 --> 00:00:58,457
Come in.

17
00:00:58,457 --> 00:00:59,290
Roger!

18
00:00:59,291 --> 00:01:01,512
Mr. Harman, what are
you up to with that thing?

19
00:01:01,513 --> 00:01:04,247
I am testing Grace
Brothers' new security system,

20
00:01:04,248 --> 00:01:05,688
installed at great cost.

21
00:01:05,689 --> 00:01:07,870
Behind the curtain, what
used to be the fitting room,

22
00:01:07,871 --> 00:01:09,601
lies the main apparatus.

23
00:01:09,602 --> 00:01:11,926
It is the ultimate result
of the 20th century,

24
00:01:11,927 --> 00:01:15,504
highly sophisticated,
technological computer hardware.

25
00:01:15,505 --> 00:01:16,846
I've never seen this before.

26
00:01:16,847 --> 00:01:19,799
No, we put it up over the
weekend. We call it Big Brother.

27
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:21,720
The press of a button, and hey presto,

28
00:01:21,721 --> 00:01:24,407
you can look for shoplifters
at any part of the store.

29
00:01:24,408 --> 00:01:26,325
Allow me to give you a demonstration.

30
00:01:26,326 --> 00:01:27,767
Oh, look at that polish!

31
00:01:27,768 --> 00:01:30,268
He's going to polish his desk.

32
00:01:34,246 --> 00:01:35,079
So that's how he got

33
00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:37,509
that longer lasting shine.

34
00:01:37,510 --> 00:01:39,307
What else can you get?

35
00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:41,975
Almost anywhere. Even packing.

36
00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:44,207
I can't see anything.

37
00:01:44,208 --> 00:01:45,429
Nah, well you see the lads like

38
00:01:45,430 --> 00:01:47,785
a bit of privacy when
they're playing cards.

39
00:01:47,786 --> 00:01:50,351
Excuse me. Are you receiving me, Seymour?

40
00:01:50,352 --> 00:01:51,574
Roger.

41
00:01:51,575 --> 00:01:55,742
Well move
that box, I wanna see you.

42
00:01:57,627 --> 00:02:00,216
I'll have 50p on that hand,
and put the kettle on.

43
00:02:00,217 --> 00:02:01,550
You've got it.

44
00:02:02,854 --> 00:02:05,734
Ooh, honestly it's
an invasion of privacy.

45
00:02:05,735 --> 00:02:07,318
Let's have a press.

46
00:02:10,727 --> 00:02:12,357
Smoking on the floor!

47
00:02:12,358 --> 00:02:14,855
I'll have a word with her about that.

48
00:02:21,287 --> 00:02:22,535
Blimey, Captain Peacock, have you been

49
00:02:22,536 --> 00:02:25,286
traveling half-fare on the buses?

50
00:02:26,568 --> 00:02:28,679
In view of the extremely hot weather

51
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:31,753
I think it would be most unwise of you

52
00:02:31,754 --> 00:02:33,934
to place too much strain on your brain

53
00:02:33,935 --> 00:02:37,412
by trying to make witty
remarks at my expense.

54
00:02:37,413 --> 00:02:38,564
Sorry, sir.

55
00:02:38,565 --> 00:02:40,724
And put my duty trousers
in the fitting room.

56
00:02:40,725 --> 00:02:42,118
Yes, sir.

57
00:02:42,119 --> 00:02:43,464
Ooh, I say!

58
00:02:46,486 --> 00:02:48,959
And what do you say?

59
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,837
Oh, your knees is much
younger than I expected.

60
00:02:53,847 --> 00:02:56,076
I mean, a lot of older men at your age

61
00:02:56,077 --> 00:02:58,744
they've got older looking knees.

62
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:01,188
I expect he's had them lifted.

63
00:03:02,962 --> 00:03:04,307
I have not had them lifted.

64
00:03:04,308 --> 00:03:06,135
It's all that bending
down at the bowling club

65
00:03:06,136 --> 00:03:08,050
keeps them young, I expect.

66
00:03:08,051 --> 00:03:10,547
Mr. Harmon, this floor should
have been finished by 8:30.

67
00:03:10,548 --> 00:03:13,237
I'm checking the new
TV security screens.

68
00:03:13,238 --> 00:03:14,963
Why they installed
that instead of better

69
00:03:14,964 --> 00:03:16,595
air conditioning I shall never know.

70
00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:18,226
I know, it's like an oven in here.

71
00:03:18,227 --> 00:03:20,051
I mean, look at my face.

72
00:03:20,052 --> 00:03:23,578
Me foundation cream's beginning to crack.

73
00:03:23,579 --> 00:03:25,113
Yes, and if you was a block of flats

74
00:03:25,114 --> 00:03:26,346
you'd be condemned by now.

75
00:03:28,140 --> 00:03:29,744
Mr. Harmon, that will do.

76
00:03:29,745 --> 00:03:32,624
I'll switch those fans
on at 9 o'clock sharp.

77
00:03:32,625 --> 00:03:34,186
Well if you don't I'm off.

78
00:03:34,187 --> 00:03:35,342
You won't be the first.

79
00:03:35,343 --> 00:03:37,642
The cod in the canteen
went off half an hour ago.

80
00:03:38,531 --> 00:03:39,945
Where is Mr. Humphries?

81
00:03:39,946 --> 00:03:41,172
Oh, he phoned to say he had a puncture

82
00:03:41,173 --> 00:03:42,564
but he still hoped to be here on time.

83
00:03:42,565 --> 00:03:44,120
Why can't me and Miss Brahms have

84
00:03:44,121 --> 00:03:46,929
one of those portable
fans like what he's got?

85
00:03:46,930 --> 00:03:49,282
Nobody's preventing you from buying one.

86
00:03:49,283 --> 00:03:51,228
They're on sale in the
electrical department.

87
00:03:51,229 --> 00:03:52,763
They ought to be issued free!

88
00:03:53,598 --> 00:03:55,871
All you have to do is authorize them.

89
00:03:55,872 --> 00:03:58,446
I do
not consider it necessary.

90
00:03:58,447 --> 00:03:59,879
Hello, yes?

91
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:03,213
Oh, Mr. Rumbold. Yes, yes I'll tell her.

92
00:04:04,105 --> 00:04:07,563
Apparently Miss Belfridge is
in one of the fitting rooms.

93
00:04:07,564 --> 00:04:10,701
And Mr. Rumbold requires
her in his office.

94
00:04:10,702 --> 00:04:12,265
She must have got in early.

95
00:04:12,266 --> 00:04:14,686
She's no right to be
there without my permission.

96
00:04:14,687 --> 00:04:17,281
Or mine. Get her out of
there, Miss Brahms, at once.

97
00:04:17,282 --> 00:04:19,199
I shall speak to her
very severely about this.

98
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:20,033
'Ere!

99
00:04:20,034 --> 00:04:22,510
Captain Peacock wants you out 'ere!

100
00:04:22,511 --> 00:04:23,678
At the double!

101
00:04:28,419 --> 00:04:29,618
Stephen.

102
00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:35,139
Do you have to see me?

103
00:04:35,140 --> 00:04:37,518
You should really ask my
permission to be on the floor,

104
00:04:37,519 --> 00:04:40,588
but I'll overlook it this time.

105
00:04:40,589 --> 00:04:42,891
The only thing he has overlooked.

106
00:04:42,892 --> 00:04:45,773
I'm just trying to make up
my mind about this costume.

107
00:04:45,774 --> 00:04:47,500
Now do you think it's too big?

108
00:04:47,501 --> 00:04:48,627
I wouldn't say that.

109
00:04:49,544 --> 00:04:51,938
It's between these two.

110
00:04:51,939 --> 00:04:54,389
Well there is very
little between those two.

111
00:04:55,397 --> 00:04:58,588
Miss Belfridge, do let us
know if you need a shoehorn.

112
00:04:58,589 --> 00:05:00,843
Oh, I haven't chosen the shoes yet.

113
00:05:00,844 --> 00:05:05,114
I'm still trying to decide on the costume.

114
00:05:05,115 --> 00:05:07,613
Oh, by the way, Captain Peacock,

115
00:05:07,614 --> 00:05:10,281
you've got ever such nice knees.

116
00:05:11,701 --> 00:05:14,892
I think I will authorize
those fans after all.

117
00:05:14,893 --> 00:05:16,067
I thought you might.

118
00:05:16,068 --> 00:05:18,684
I'll try and get you one
with a long lasting battery

119
00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:20,579
in case she can't make her mind up.

120
00:05:21,635 --> 00:05:23,627
Hold the goods lift, Seymour!

121
00:05:32,315 --> 00:05:35,097
Mr. Humphries, what
is the meaning of this?

122
00:05:35,098 --> 00:05:36,298
Well, I thought I'd take advantage

123
00:05:36,299 --> 00:05:38,338
of the heat wave to sell
me mother's ice cream,

124
00:05:38,339 --> 00:05:41,341
but unfortunately I got
a puncture on the M1.

125
00:05:42,228 --> 00:05:44,437
But you don't live anywhere near the M1.

126
00:05:44,438 --> 00:05:45,271
I know.

127
00:05:45,272 --> 00:05:48,555
There I was vending my
wares, when this big, blue,

128
00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:51,173
Jaguar backed into me,
caught its back bumper

129
00:05:51,174 --> 00:05:53,549
on me front mud guard,
before I knew where I was

130
00:05:53,550 --> 00:05:56,880
I was hurtling up north ringing
me bell for all I was worth.

131
00:05:57,723 --> 00:05:59,185
You could've been killed.

132
00:05:59,186 --> 00:06:01,108
I know, and the heat from his exhaust

133
00:06:01,109 --> 00:06:03,024
nearly melted my tutti-frutties.

134
00:06:04,301 --> 00:06:05,643
Yeah, how did you get back?

135
00:06:05,644 --> 00:06:06,674
By train.

136
00:06:06,675 --> 00:06:09,098
I was nearly sold out by the
time I got to Baker Street.

137
00:06:09,099 --> 00:06:11,450
God, what a swizz. I
could just do with an ice.

138
00:06:11,451 --> 00:06:15,526
- Ooh, you might be lucky.
Look, I've got one left.

139
00:06:15,527 --> 00:06:17,067
A giant frozen delight.

140
00:06:19,297 --> 00:06:20,641
50 pence.

141
00:06:20,642 --> 00:06:23,400
Oh, oh I'd love it,
but all I've got left

142
00:06:23,401 --> 00:06:25,705
is me dinner money and me fare home.

143
00:06:25,706 --> 00:06:27,814
Me too. Can't we have it on tick?

144
00:06:27,815 --> 00:06:29,850
I know, why don't we all
chip in and have a lick each?

145
00:06:29,851 --> 00:06:30,860
Oh, now come on, make up your mind

146
00:06:30,860 --> 00:06:32,993
'cause it's dribbling all down me elbow.

147
00:06:32,994 --> 00:06:35,731
Well, I have the required
amount. I shall purchase it.

148
00:06:35,732 --> 00:06:37,592
Thank you.

149
00:06:37,593 --> 00:06:38,819
Ooh, let's have a go.

150
00:06:38,820 --> 00:06:42,610
You ladies should be much
more careful with your money.

151
00:06:42,611 --> 00:06:44,986
I'm really looking forward to this.

152
00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:48,055
Is this one too bright, Stephen?

153
00:06:55,070 --> 00:06:59,237
Oh, sorry I was so long but I
just couldn't make up my mind.

154
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,216
Is that the costume or the label?

155
00:07:02,217 --> 00:07:03,217
Costume.

156
00:07:03,884 --> 00:07:06,852
Come on, sit down,
get on with your work.

157
00:07:06,853 --> 00:07:08,200
Morning tea.

158
00:07:08,201 --> 00:07:09,350
I'm afraid we've run out of biscuits,

159
00:07:09,350 --> 00:07:12,160
but you can have half a
Cadbury Snack at reduced price.

160
00:07:15,592 --> 00:07:16,425
No thank you.

161
00:07:16,426 --> 00:07:17,720
By the way, have you
heard the good news?

162
00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:18,487
What news?

163
00:07:18,488 --> 00:07:20,032
The long-awaited bonus payment

164
00:07:20,033 --> 00:07:21,423
has finally been passed by the board.

165
00:07:21,424 --> 00:07:22,334
We're getting it today.

166
00:07:22,334 --> 00:07:23,167
Are you sure?

167
00:07:23,168 --> 00:07:24,637
Yeah, I got mine already. Look.

168
00:07:27,004 --> 00:07:30,087
Hello. It's Mr. Grace for you, sir.

169
00:07:32,044 --> 00:07:34,947
Rumbold here, sir. You're
paying the bonus today?

170
00:07:34,948 --> 00:07:36,486
That is a surprise.

171
00:07:36,487 --> 00:07:39,314
Oh yes, the staff will be delighted.

172
00:07:40,279 --> 00:07:42,360
All except who?

173
00:07:42,361 --> 00:07:44,185
But I'm upper middle management.

174
00:07:44,186 --> 00:07:46,393
I'm almost one of the family.

175
00:07:46,394 --> 00:07:48,842
What do you mean it's a case of FHB?

176
00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:50,593
Oh, family hold back.

177
00:07:51,844 --> 00:07:54,822
Mr. Grace, this is intolerable.
I won't stand for it.

178
00:07:54,823 --> 00:07:56,998
In fact, I resign!

179
00:07:56,999 --> 00:07:57,832
Sir.

180
00:07:57,832 --> 00:07:58,665
What's that?

181
00:07:58,665 --> 00:07:59,665
You just resigned.

182
00:08:00,771 --> 00:08:04,938
Oh, no, no, no. He'll phone
back and beg me to stay.

183
00:08:13,584 --> 00:08:17,334
On the other hand,
perhaps I was a bit hasty.

184
00:08:18,695 --> 00:08:22,580
Hello Mr. Grace, we got cut off, sir. Yes.

185
00:08:22,581 --> 00:08:24,814
As I was saying, I resign myself

186
00:08:24,815 --> 00:08:27,600
to not getting my bonus just yet.

187
00:08:29,781 --> 00:08:32,330
Rumbold, sir. Yes, big ears.

188
00:08:34,486 --> 00:08:35,903
Yes, the crawler.

189
00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:38,395
He'd forgotten already.

190
00:08:38,396 --> 00:08:39,229
Wanna borrow a fiver?

191
00:08:39,230 --> 00:08:40,574
Get out.

192
00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:50,236
Oh, I can hardly believe it!

193
00:08:50,237 --> 00:08:52,565
Fancy us getting our bonus at last.

194
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:54,915
I've got about a hundred pounds here.

195
00:08:54,916 --> 00:08:56,548
Same as me.

196
00:08:56,549 --> 00:08:59,310
'Ere, you shouldn't have as
much as me and Mrs. Slocombe

197
00:08:59,311 --> 00:09:01,541
on account of we've been here longer.

198
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:03,268
You seem to forget, I'm a man.

199
00:09:05,524 --> 00:09:07,779
I wonder how much I'll
get, being the junior.

200
00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:10,348
Probably you owe them.

201
00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:11,571
I deserve something.

202
00:09:11,572 --> 00:09:13,993
True, but justice is so arranged

203
00:09:13,994 --> 00:09:16,204
that people do not always
get what they deserve.

204
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,400
More coffee, anyone?

205
00:09:18,410 --> 00:09:19,950
Are you saying we haven't
got to go to the counter?

206
00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:22,790
Not today. Getting my bonus
has put me in a good mood.

207
00:09:22,997 --> 00:09:25,350
Plus I got dirty money to compensate me

208
00:09:25,351 --> 00:09:27,559
for wear and tear on my clothes.

209
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:29,906
Well judging by your pinny,
it should be quite a tidy sum.

210
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:32,953
Even with climbing gear, you wouldn't

211
00:09:32,954 --> 00:09:34,474
get up my nose today, Captain Peacock.

212
00:09:35,523 --> 00:09:37,758
Now, you all sit there,
and I'll get your coffees.

213
00:09:37,759 --> 00:09:39,988
It's on me, plus some nice cakes.

214
00:09:39,989 --> 00:09:41,714
Oh, that is most generous.

215
00:09:41,715 --> 00:09:42,964
You look very hot.

216
00:09:42,965 --> 00:09:44,212
Well the fans aren't working.

217
00:09:44,213 --> 00:09:46,528
Oh, I'll get my staff to cool you down.

218
00:09:47,510 --> 00:09:49,139
Fans for table four!

219
00:09:53,202 --> 00:09:56,119
Oh, isn't it lovely being fanned?

220
00:09:57,541 --> 00:10:00,041
I feel like an Egyptian queen.

221
00:10:00,927 --> 00:10:01,927
Really?

222
00:10:03,830 --> 00:10:06,591
Would you go a bit faster, please?

223
00:10:06,592 --> 00:10:09,013
The garlic's getting through.

224
00:10:09,014 --> 00:10:10,742
Isn't it amazing how
freedom from poverty

225
00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:13,334
brings out the best in people?

226
00:10:13,335 --> 00:10:15,756
Certainly the reverse
in Mr. Rumbold's case.

227
00:10:15,757 --> 00:10:18,638
Oh, he's gone mad at
not getting his bonus.

228
00:10:18,639 --> 00:10:20,748
I gather he's in the
executive dining room

229
00:10:20,749 --> 00:10:23,248
trying to persuade Mr.
Grace to change his mind.

230
00:10:23,249 --> 00:10:25,356
Well, it proves he's got guts.

231
00:10:25,357 --> 00:10:27,040
Let's hope we don't
need a dustpan and brush

232
00:10:27,041 --> 00:10:29,250
to get 'em off the carpet.

233
00:10:29,251 --> 00:10:30,977
Here he comes. I think he did it.

234
00:10:30,978 --> 00:10:32,609
Thank you sir, most kindly.

235
00:10:32,610 --> 00:10:33,761
Generous gesture.

236
00:10:35,297 --> 00:10:38,121
Oh, you big eared, bald headed git,

237
00:10:38,122 --> 00:10:39,284
now look what you've done.

238
00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:41,710
I do apologize, really.

239
00:10:41,711 --> 00:10:44,400
- You wait 'til I tell Mr.
Grace what you've done.

240
00:10:44,401 --> 00:10:46,342
Oh, no, please, I'm only
being allowed to stay on

241
00:10:46,343 --> 00:10:47,758
provided I don't cause any trouble.

242
00:10:50,398 --> 00:10:51,742
Good mood's gone.

243
00:10:51,743 --> 00:10:52,917
I'd never have known.

244
00:10:52,918 --> 00:10:55,103
Get back to work, you lot.

245
00:10:55,104 --> 00:10:57,838
Oh well. All back to normal.

246
00:10:57,839 --> 00:11:00,429
You speak for yourself.

247
00:11:00,430 --> 00:11:03,314
Oh, what a fracas in there.

248
00:11:03,315 --> 00:11:05,226
Lucky Mr. Grace is in a good mood.

249
00:11:05,227 --> 00:11:06,406
That's mainly due to the fact he's

250
00:11:06,407 --> 00:11:08,281
got a horse running today.

251
00:11:08,282 --> 00:11:11,549
Do you mean he's been squandering
his money on the horses?

252
00:11:11,550 --> 00:11:14,042
Ooh, we was lucky to get our bonus at all.

253
00:11:14,043 --> 00:11:16,562
Racing is a privilege of the privileged.

254
00:11:16,563 --> 00:11:19,085
What is the name of Mr. Grace's horse?

255
00:11:19,086 --> 00:11:22,352
Mother's Boy. And it's a flyer.

256
00:11:22,353 --> 00:11:23,693
You mean you have inside information?

257
00:11:23,694 --> 00:11:26,429
I'm very close to the
stable lad. It's a dead cert.

258
00:11:26,430 --> 00:11:28,156
I was once close to a stable lad.

259
00:11:28,157 --> 00:11:30,266
He put me on a dead cert.

260
00:11:30,267 --> 00:11:31,683
Did your
dead cert come home?

261
00:11:31,684 --> 00:11:33,605
No, we stayed in a hotel in Worthy.

262
00:11:35,533 --> 00:11:36,867
She was in the Salvation Army.

263
00:11:36,868 --> 00:11:38,835
They were saving the south coast.

264
00:11:38,836 --> 00:11:39,847
Was she pretty?

265
00:11:39,848 --> 00:11:44,168
Like an angel. We became very
good friends under the pier.

266
00:11:44,169 --> 00:11:45,340
Did she save you?

267
00:11:45,341 --> 00:11:46,442
Well, she would have done had it

268
00:11:46,443 --> 00:11:48,219
not been for a sudden wave.

269
00:11:48,220 --> 00:11:49,053
What, high tide?

270
00:11:49,054 --> 00:11:51,266
No, a policeman.

271
00:11:51,267 --> 00:11:53,624
'Ere, what's the odds on this horse?

272
00:11:53,625 --> 00:11:54,579
Two to one.

273
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:56,355
You see, the reason why the odds is so low

274
00:11:56,356 --> 00:11:58,369
is that, well, he can't lose.

275
00:11:58,370 --> 00:12:01,826
Unfortunately, there is no
such thing as a dead cert.

276
00:12:01,827 --> 00:12:03,964
If there were, it would be odds on.

277
00:12:03,965 --> 00:12:06,075
This one would be odds on
if people knew what I know.

278
00:12:06,076 --> 00:12:07,805
I saw it do a secret gallop.

279
00:12:07,806 --> 00:12:08,639
How did it go?

280
00:12:08,639 --> 00:12:09,639
Like that.

281
00:12:10,637 --> 00:12:14,066
You see, racing is my
hobby. I got a ton on it.

282
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,432
All of your bonus?

283
00:12:15,433 --> 00:12:17,255
Nah, only a hundred quid of it.

284
00:12:19,609 --> 00:12:21,142
You see, that goes on the Mother's Boy

285
00:12:21,143 --> 00:12:22,680
at two to one in the Queen Mary stakes,

286
00:12:22,681 --> 00:12:24,026
and then all of the winnings of that

287
00:12:24,027 --> 00:12:26,835
goes on to Inside Leg out on Trouser Press

288
00:12:26,836 --> 00:12:28,753
at 10 to one at the Young Cup.

289
00:12:28,754 --> 00:12:31,658
It's what we in the
trade term as a double.

290
00:12:31,659 --> 00:12:34,537
But only one horse has to
lose, you've lost the lot.

291
00:12:34,538 --> 00:12:35,737
Yeah, but if they both come in

292
00:12:35,738 --> 00:12:37,874
it'll be spend, spend, spend.

293
00:12:37,875 --> 00:12:40,416
I can make about 2,000 quid.

294
00:12:40,417 --> 00:12:43,178
2,000 pound. It's a fortune!

295
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,505
And we've got the money to put on it.

296
00:12:45,506 --> 00:12:47,737
I don't want to be a wet blanket,

297
00:12:47,738 --> 00:12:50,136
but the odds are that you'll lose the lot.

298
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:53,259
Now gambling has ruined
many people. I know.

299
00:12:53,260 --> 00:12:56,737
As a young man, I lost
everything on the horses.

300
00:12:56,738 --> 00:12:59,807
Just the words betting shop
would make my face twitch.

301
00:12:59,808 --> 00:13:02,473
I couldn't control myself.
It was like a fever.

302
00:13:02,474 --> 00:13:04,272
I never knew that.

303
00:13:04,273 --> 00:13:06,145
Yes, I'm afraid it's true.

304
00:13:06,146 --> 00:13:08,736
I started with the horses,
but that wasn't enough.

305
00:13:08,737 --> 00:13:11,665
And night after night,
I'd be at the White City

306
00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:13,106
betting on dogs.

307
00:13:13,107 --> 00:13:16,176
Fancy you going to the dogs.

308
00:13:16,177 --> 00:13:19,827
Of course, I mean, I won to start with.

309
00:13:19,828 --> 00:13:21,795
I studied form, you see.

310
00:13:21,796 --> 00:13:25,223
But then my bets got bigger,
and so did my losses.

311
00:13:25,224 --> 00:13:27,600
And in the end I just
couldn't think clearly,

312
00:13:27,601 --> 00:13:29,427
and form went out of the window.

313
00:13:29,428 --> 00:13:32,306
I pawned my studs, my
watch, even my medals.

314
00:13:32,307 --> 00:13:33,744
Oh, don't!

315
00:13:35,786 --> 00:13:37,704
I was at the end of my tether.

316
00:13:37,705 --> 00:13:40,776
I remember one night
standing there in the rain,

317
00:13:40,777 --> 00:13:44,423
unshaven, swaying slightly,
staring at the dogs

318
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,743
as they were paraded 'round the ring,

319
00:13:46,744 --> 00:13:49,500
and betting on the one
with the longest nose.

320
00:13:52,194 --> 00:13:56,607
After a drink of Eau de
Cologne form means nothing.

321
00:13:56,608 --> 00:13:58,551
Was this before you were married?

322
00:13:58,552 --> 00:13:59,901
This was my wedding night.

323
00:14:02,296 --> 00:14:03,973
Your poor wife!

324
00:14:03,974 --> 00:14:05,439
How did you stop?

325
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:08,583
Sheer willpower and
the love of a good woman.

326
00:14:08,584 --> 00:14:09,950
Your wife.

327
00:14:09,951 --> 00:14:10,951
Her as well.

328
00:14:12,759 --> 00:14:15,448
You see, she threatened to divorce me

329
00:14:15,449 --> 00:14:18,016
if she ever caught me
betting more than a fiver.

330
00:14:18,017 --> 00:14:22,621
So somehow I gave up. And today,
of course, well, I'm cured.

331
00:14:22,622 --> 00:14:24,683
Well I don't think that 100 pounds

332
00:14:24,684 --> 00:14:28,717
that I've never had until
today is going to ruin my life.

333
00:14:28,718 --> 00:14:32,885
Ooh, but with 2,000 pounds I
couldn't half have a spree.

334
00:14:34,814 --> 00:14:36,276
Well, I suppose I could invest a fiver

335
00:14:36,277 --> 00:14:39,421
'cause that could win more
than 100 if they both come up.

336
00:14:39,422 --> 00:14:42,108
Oh, we can't retire on 100 quid.

337
00:14:42,109 --> 00:14:44,226
You can't retire on 2,000.

338
00:14:44,227 --> 00:14:46,455
Well, of course I know that.

339
00:14:46,456 --> 00:14:49,539
Only I could have a holiday in Capri.

340
00:14:50,489 --> 00:14:52,823
And then I might meet a lovely millionaire

341
00:14:52,824 --> 00:14:56,852
who'd want me to look after
him in his fading years.

342
00:14:56,853 --> 00:14:58,938
You'd have to book
into a very good hotel.

343
00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:00,738
Well I know that.

344
00:15:00,739 --> 00:15:05,349
But with 2,000 pounds I could
put up quite a big front.

345
00:15:05,350 --> 00:15:06,956
You're not doing too bad without it.

346
00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:09,491
Shut up.

347
00:15:10,241 --> 00:15:12,476
Look, are you lot in or out?

348
00:15:12,477 --> 00:15:13,310
In!

349
00:15:13,311 --> 00:15:14,781
Right, well, I'm seeing the jockey

350
00:15:14,782 --> 00:15:17,321
what's riding Mother's
Boy round at the pub.

351
00:15:17,322 --> 00:15:19,121
And we gave it a try out at dawn,

352
00:15:19,122 --> 00:15:21,526
and he's gonna give me
the nod on how it's going.

353
00:15:21,527 --> 00:15:22,873
Well I thought it couldn't lose?

354
00:15:22,874 --> 00:15:24,021
It can't lose!

355
00:15:24,022 --> 00:15:25,940
But we'll get a rough idea on how many

356
00:15:25,941 --> 00:15:27,040
lengths it's gonna win by.

357
00:15:27,041 --> 00:15:30,497
Then everything goes onto
Inside Leg at 10 to one.

358
00:15:30,498 --> 00:15:32,831
It's that good, you think?

359
00:15:33,890 --> 00:15:36,843
Here's a fiver, but that's my limit.

360
00:15:36,844 --> 00:15:38,426
Well, I know I've just got me bonus,

361
00:15:38,427 --> 00:15:42,072
but I'm only going to risk a fiver.

362
00:15:42,073 --> 00:15:43,417
Me too, 'ere.

363
00:15:43,418 --> 00:15:45,335
I'm not a betting man, but me mother is,

364
00:15:45,336 --> 00:15:47,672
so I'll have a fiver.

365
00:15:47,673 --> 00:15:49,494
50p, it's all I've got.

366
00:15:49,495 --> 00:15:50,862
You could win 10 quid for that.

367
00:15:51,697 --> 00:15:53,118
Mr. Harmon, could you leave before I bet

368
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,846
the rest of this money on that horse?

369
00:15:54,847 --> 00:15:57,943
If you do, you could win 2,000 quid.

370
00:15:57,944 --> 00:16:02,047
- I'm beginning to twitch now.
Here, take it, take it all.

371
00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:03,560
I shall never miss what I never had.

372
00:16:03,561 --> 00:16:07,591
Only unless you're sure
you wanna bet on a dead cert.

373
00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:08,768
Go on, take mine.

374
00:16:08,769 --> 00:16:10,162
I mean, I'd never rest if I thought

375
00:16:10,163 --> 00:16:13,207
I'd passed up a chance
to win 2,000 pounds.

376
00:16:13,208 --> 00:16:15,750
Only unless you're sure.

377
00:16:15,751 --> 00:16:18,106
We are. Here's mine.

378
00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:20,984
It's no good, I can't
stop myself. Here's mine.

379
00:16:20,985 --> 00:16:24,559
- No, I won't take yours.
You're trying to give it up.

380
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,101
Put it away. The fever will pass.

381
00:16:34,883 --> 00:16:37,810
Have a nice strong cup of coffee,
it'll make you feel better.

382
00:16:37,833 --> 00:16:40,136
It's no use. I've gotta
put that money on that horse.

383
00:16:40,137 --> 00:16:44,304
Oh, Captain Peacock, control
yourself. Take a deep breath.

384
00:16:45,802 --> 00:16:46,950
And hold it.

385
00:16:50,429 --> 00:16:51,679
Not too long.

386
00:16:53,409 --> 00:16:54,824
Oh thank you.

387
00:16:54,825 --> 00:16:56,691
I'm really very ashamed that you should

388
00:16:56,692 --> 00:16:59,020
see my weakness for a
moment just like that.

389
00:16:59,021 --> 00:17:00,576
It's all over now.

390
00:17:00,577 --> 00:17:02,812
Yes, we won't mention
it until the race is over

391
00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:04,228
and they've all collected their 2,000 quid

392
00:17:04,229 --> 00:17:06,603
which they won on the dead
cert that couldn't lose.

393
00:17:07,437 --> 00:17:08,270
Where's my betting shop?

394
00:17:08,270 --> 00:17:09,103
No!

395
00:17:09,103 --> 00:17:10,103
Captain Peacock!

396
00:17:10,770 --> 00:17:13,019
Stupid, dumb, boy, you...

397
00:17:17,858 --> 00:17:19,778
Well it's very unique, madam.

398
00:17:19,779 --> 00:17:21,362
But is it Askett?

399
00:17:22,661 --> 00:17:27,180
Well, there's horses
there and it's very Dallas.

400
00:17:29,204 --> 00:17:32,348
I don't think so. But
thank you for your trouble.

401
00:17:32,349 --> 00:17:34,652
Will you require a credit note, madam?

402
00:17:34,653 --> 00:17:36,187
I haven't bought anything.

403
00:17:36,188 --> 00:17:38,519
No, but haven't half
messed that hat about.

404
00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:40,580
I don't like the tone of your voice.

405
00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:43,484
And I don't like being
spoken to in that manner.

406
00:17:43,485 --> 00:17:44,926
I'm very friendly with one of the

407
00:17:44,927 --> 00:17:47,519
main shareholders in this firm.

408
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:48,353
What's your name?

409
00:17:48,354 --> 00:17:50,204
Mrs. Devia Winterton.

410
00:17:51,039 --> 00:17:52,459
I shall remember that.

411
00:17:52,460 --> 00:17:54,127
I hoped you might.

412
00:17:55,966 --> 00:17:56,966
Dallas?

413
00:17:58,895 --> 00:18:01,583
Well, she looked stupid in that hat.

414
00:18:01,584 --> 00:18:03,283
Well I know that, and you know that,

415
00:18:03,284 --> 00:18:05,447
but you don't tell the customer that.

416
00:18:05,448 --> 00:18:07,004
Yes, but when we get our winnings,

417
00:18:07,005 --> 00:18:09,599
we'll be the ones buying hats, won't we?

418
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,037
Mrs. Slocombe, Miss Brahms, if I--

419
00:18:11,038 --> 00:18:12,646
Excuse me, Captain Peacock.

420
00:18:12,647 --> 00:18:14,737
Mr. Rumbold's out to go
and see his bank manager.

421
00:18:14,738 --> 00:18:15,883
And he told me to tell you that

422
00:18:15,884 --> 00:18:17,503
you're in charge 'til he gets back.

423
00:18:17,504 --> 00:18:18,337
Right.

424
00:18:18,338 --> 00:18:19,974
Here, by the way, there's a rumor

425
00:18:19,975 --> 00:18:21,512
that you put that bet on.

426
00:18:21,513 --> 00:18:24,541
I did. It was the biggest
mistake I ever made.

427
00:18:24,542 --> 00:18:26,199
There's a telly in Mr. Rumbold's office.

428
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:27,552
You could watch it in there.

429
00:18:27,553 --> 00:18:28,941
I'm gonna watch it in packing.

430
00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:29,775
Oh, thanks.

431
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:32,130
Come on. Hey, Rumbold's
gone to the bank.

432
00:18:32,131 --> 00:18:34,698
We're going to watch it on his portable.

433
00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:38,290
And it's
Mother's Boy coming through

434
00:18:38,300 --> 00:18:40,792
on the inside, and Dead
Easy is holding on.

435
00:18:40,793 --> 00:18:42,778
For now they're neck and neck.

436
00:18:42,779 --> 00:18:44,505
And now it's Biscuit Challenger.

437
00:18:44,506 --> 00:18:46,669
Look, why is that jockey
bobbing up and down?

438
00:18:46,670 --> 00:18:47,676
He's putting it off.

439
00:18:47,677 --> 00:18:49,136
You lot aren't supposed to be here.

440
00:18:49,137 --> 00:18:50,137
And Mother's boy--

441
00:18:55,504 --> 00:18:56,893
Show him the whip!

442
00:18:58,310 --> 00:19:01,767
How dare you watch
television in my office!

443
00:19:01,768 --> 00:19:03,300
Oh, they were nearly at the end.

444
00:19:03,301 --> 00:19:05,126
Now we don't know who has won.

445
00:19:05,127 --> 00:19:07,140
Our bonus was on that.

446
00:19:07,141 --> 00:19:08,966
Peacock, I hold you responsible.

447
00:19:08,967 --> 00:19:12,088
And I must tell you I am
totally opposed to gambling.

448
00:19:12,089 --> 00:19:14,007
Why are you twitching, Peacock?

449
00:19:14,008 --> 00:19:15,594
I have no idea.

450
00:19:15,595 --> 00:19:17,595
Get back on the floor.

451
00:19:20,948 --> 00:19:22,031
Spoilsport!

452
00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:26,347
I expect you tried to stop them,

453
00:19:26,348 --> 00:19:28,845
but they forced you to switch the set on.

454
00:19:28,846 --> 00:19:29,846
Yes sir.

455
00:19:31,493 --> 00:19:32,493
Hello? Yeah.

456
00:19:35,139 --> 00:19:37,659
Yes, I'll tell him. It's Mr. Grace.

457
00:19:37,660 --> 00:19:39,436
He's got to go to a
meeting and he wants you

458
00:19:39,437 --> 00:19:41,291
to watch out for the odds on the last race

459
00:19:41,292 --> 00:19:43,096
they just ran at Ascot.

460
00:19:43,097 --> 00:19:44,630
I thought you were going to the bank?

461
00:19:44,631 --> 00:19:47,340
Yes, I did, but there was a queue.

462
00:19:47,341 --> 00:19:50,703
Ah, hello sir. Yes, that'll be a pleasure.

463
00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:53,454
Yes, a wonderful sport.

464
00:19:54,467 --> 00:19:59,074
And while you're on the
line, sir, about my bonus--

465
00:19:59,075 --> 00:20:00,421
What?

466
00:20:00,422 --> 00:20:01,956
You've invested it?

467
00:20:01,957 --> 00:20:03,899
Yes, well, that is most kind,

468
00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:06,650
but I do need it rather urgently.

469
00:20:07,808 --> 00:20:11,691
May I inquire if it's on
deposit at a good rate?

470
00:20:11,692 --> 00:20:14,423
I see. It's on Inside Leg in the 3:30.

471
00:20:15,940 --> 00:20:18,474
Yes I will watch, most closely.

472
00:20:18,475 --> 00:20:20,514
He's got my money on his horse!

473
00:20:20,515 --> 00:20:22,027
Come on, let's get the set on.

474
00:20:22,028 --> 00:20:25,103
Now, then. I wonder what the odds are.

475
00:20:25,104 --> 00:20:28,172
And who the jockey is.
And what the going's like.

476
00:20:28,173 --> 00:20:29,608
And why we're watching Play School.

477
00:20:33,762 --> 00:20:36,595
Look, I'm sorry. What can I say?

478
00:20:37,601 --> 00:20:38,434
Sorry?

479
00:20:38,434 --> 00:20:39,267
About what?

480
00:20:39,268 --> 00:20:42,163
But our horse came first,
it was leading at the end.

481
00:20:42,164 --> 00:20:44,514
Yeah, the horse came in
first, but not the jockey.

482
00:20:44,515 --> 00:20:46,243
He fell off.

483
00:20:46,244 --> 00:20:47,800
That doesn't count, does it?

484
00:20:47,801 --> 00:20:49,058
No, it doesn't.

485
00:20:49,059 --> 00:20:50,400
We've lost our bonus, and all that money

486
00:20:50,401 --> 00:20:52,009
was going to go on to the next race.

487
00:20:52,010 --> 00:20:54,864
What a fool I've been,
what an unmitigated fool!

488
00:20:54,865 --> 00:20:57,696
If the jockey fell off, we
should have our money back.

489
00:20:57,697 --> 00:20:59,669
That's the luck of the game, isn't it?

490
00:20:59,670 --> 00:21:00,765
Mind you, there is still a way you

491
00:21:00,766 --> 00:21:01,895
could get your money back.

492
00:21:01,896 --> 00:21:02,729
What is it?

493
00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:03,562
How?

494
00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:05,806
Well the next horse is
Inside Leg at 10 to one.

495
00:21:05,807 --> 00:21:08,400
Now if you all put a tenner on that to win

496
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:11,904
and it wins, you collect
and get your bonus back.

497
00:21:11,905 --> 00:21:13,343
But we're broke.

498
00:21:13,344 --> 00:21:15,600
All our money was on the race.

499
00:21:15,601 --> 00:21:16,947
Yes, I can't even get home.

500
00:21:16,948 --> 00:21:19,918
And if my wife finds out,
well, my life will be hell.

501
00:21:19,919 --> 00:21:20,950
Well, you could always go 'round

502
00:21:20,950 --> 00:21:22,631
to the pawn broker and
raise a bit of wind.

503
00:21:22,632 --> 00:21:25,367
I mean them cufflinks of
yours must be worth a tenner.

504
00:21:25,368 --> 00:21:27,450
Mr. Humphries' watch and
chain, that's quite nice.

505
00:21:27,451 --> 00:21:30,713
But we can't run around London
looking for a pawn broker.

506
00:21:30,714 --> 00:21:32,247
You don't have to. My card.

507
00:21:33,907 --> 00:21:35,058
See the balls on it?

508
00:21:35,059 --> 00:21:36,975
I do a bit on the side.

509
00:21:36,976 --> 00:21:39,522
So you'll give us the tenners?

510
00:21:39,523 --> 00:21:41,252
Right, let's see what you got to hawk.

511
00:21:41,253 --> 00:21:43,674
Here, you can have my watch and chain.

512
00:21:43,675 --> 00:21:46,000
I never thought I'd sink this low again.

513
00:21:46,001 --> 00:21:48,570
There's my semiprecious earrings,

514
00:21:48,571 --> 00:21:51,071
and my part-crocodile handbag.

515
00:21:52,590 --> 00:21:53,952
Which part's crocodile?

516
00:21:53,953 --> 00:21:57,453
The clasp. They're real crocodile teeth.

517
00:21:59,161 --> 00:22:01,223
I'm paying a charge for that.

518
00:22:01,224 --> 00:22:03,408
I haven't got anything to offer.

519
00:22:03,409 --> 00:22:04,851
You can have it on tick.

520
00:22:06,194 --> 00:22:07,922
Why couldn't I have it on tick?

521
00:22:07,923 --> 00:22:09,531
You really haven't
got anything to offer.

522
00:22:12,915 --> 00:22:14,258
Daft boy.

523
00:22:14,259 --> 00:22:16,273
What will you give me for
this electric fan, then?

524
00:22:16,274 --> 00:22:17,107
Second hand?

525
00:22:17,107 --> 00:22:17,940
A quid.

526
00:22:17,940 --> 00:22:18,773
Robbery.

527
00:22:18,774 --> 00:22:20,558
If you're gonna insult the firm, 50p.

528
00:22:20,559 --> 00:22:21,392
I'll take it.

529
00:22:21,393 --> 00:22:22,425
Right, here's a tenner each

530
00:22:22,426 --> 00:22:24,638
to put on at 10 to one on Inside Leg.

531
00:22:24,639 --> 00:22:26,555
Here's a quid for you, and here you go.

532
00:22:26,556 --> 00:22:28,864
Now all we need is a bookie.

533
00:22:28,865 --> 00:22:29,865
My card.

534
00:22:30,924 --> 00:22:32,818
Don't tell me you're a bookie as well.

535
00:22:32,819 --> 00:22:34,408
No, it's William Hill's number on there.

536
00:22:34,409 --> 00:22:36,517
I got an account with him.

537
00:22:36,518 --> 00:22:37,351
I hope that horse wins.

538
00:22:37,352 --> 00:22:38,678
My mother gave me that watch

539
00:22:38,679 --> 00:22:40,690
when I became captain
of the embroidery team.

540
00:22:42,538 --> 00:22:43,947
John Blinker 'ere.

541
00:22:43,948 --> 00:22:47,113
Can I have 50 quid to win on Inside Leg?

542
00:22:47,114 --> 00:22:49,210
10 to one. Thank you.

543
00:22:49,211 --> 00:22:51,562
Right, that's it, I'll
just take the money.

544
00:22:51,563 --> 00:22:53,603
Ooh, that didn't last long.

545
00:22:53,604 --> 00:22:55,521
Ooh, I do wish we could
see it on the telly.

546
00:22:55,522 --> 00:22:57,923
No, we can't leave the
floor again. We'd get fired.

547
00:22:57,924 --> 00:23:01,646
I've got an idea. The security
screen in the fitting room.

548
00:23:01,647 --> 00:23:03,447
I could pop down to the radio department,

549
00:23:03,448 --> 00:23:05,343
get one of those walkie-talkie things,

550
00:23:05,344 --> 00:23:07,694
listen to it on the
radio, and relay it to you

551
00:23:07,695 --> 00:23:09,182
on the screen in the fitting room.

552
00:23:09,183 --> 00:23:10,183
That's brilliant.

553
00:23:10,925 --> 00:23:12,514
Permission to leave the floor.

554
00:23:12,515 --> 00:23:13,860
I'll turn a blind eye.

555
00:23:17,194 --> 00:23:19,931
Oh, look at those hats.

556
00:23:19,932 --> 00:23:22,164
Yes, rather silly, some of them.

557
00:23:22,165 --> 00:23:24,564
Ah, the horses are lining up.

558
00:23:24,565 --> 00:23:26,460
Which is the one with my bonus on it?

559
00:23:26,461 --> 00:23:30,350
The one foaming at the mouth
and facing the wrong way.

560
00:23:30,351 --> 00:23:34,030
Oh, I can't stand the
strain. Tell me when it's over.

561
00:23:34,995 --> 00:23:35,828
Oh, here he is.

562
00:23:35,829 --> 00:23:37,703
- Oh, there he is now.
Oh, his shoes look nice.

563
00:23:37,704 --> 00:23:39,121
We can see you.

564
00:23:40,681 --> 00:23:42,014
Can you hear us?

565
00:23:45,851 --> 00:23:47,518
We can't hear you.

566
00:23:50,747 --> 00:23:51,897
It's no good. We can't hear.

567
00:23:51,898 --> 00:23:54,231
We're gonna miss the race!

568
00:23:55,286 --> 00:23:58,789
Oh what's he doing?

569
00:23:58,790 --> 00:24:01,525
Headphones.

570
00:24:03,011 --> 00:24:03,880
What's he doing?

571
00:24:03,881 --> 00:24:05,001
I know, I know.

572
00:24:05,002 --> 00:24:07,020
He's going to listen to
the race on the radio

573
00:24:07,021 --> 00:24:08,796
and then mime it to us.

574
00:24:08,797 --> 00:24:09,736
Is that right?

575
00:24:09,737 --> 00:24:13,284
Oh, great.

576
00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:14,526
What's he doing?

577
00:24:14,527 --> 00:24:18,027
Oh, he's miming. He's miming Inside Leg.

578
00:24:20,439 --> 00:24:22,044
Now what's he doing?

579
00:24:22,045 --> 00:24:23,245
I have no idea.

580
00:24:23,246 --> 00:24:26,329
He looks as if he's playing tennis.

581
00:24:27,842 --> 00:24:29,957
Oh, I've got it, I've
played charades before.

582
00:24:29,958 --> 00:24:33,125
Now that means first word. First word?

583
00:24:34,610 --> 00:24:36,720
Kick, he's kicking the horse!

584
00:24:40,303 --> 00:24:43,731
Oh, got it. First letter of first word.

585
00:24:43,732 --> 00:24:44,692
A?

586
00:24:44,692 --> 00:24:45,525
B?

587
00:24:45,525 --> 00:24:46,370
C?

588
00:24:46,371 --> 00:24:47,689
D?

589
00:24:47,690 --> 00:24:48,654
E?

590
00:24:48,654 --> 00:24:49,487
F?

591
00:24:49,487 --> 00:24:50,320
G?

592
00:24:50,321 --> 00:24:51,760
H, I, J?

593
00:24:51,761 --> 00:24:52,594
K?

594
00:24:52,594 --> 00:24:53,427
L?

595
00:24:53,427 --> 00:24:54,260
M?

596
00:24:54,260 --> 00:24:55,093
N?

597
00:24:55,093 --> 00:24:55,926
O?

598
00:24:55,926 --> 00:24:56,759
P?

599
00:24:56,759 --> 00:24:57,592
P!

600
00:24:57,593 --> 00:24:58,965
It's P something.

601
00:24:58,966 --> 00:25:00,315
Oh, what wrong with him?

602
00:25:00,316 --> 00:25:01,149
I've got it, I've got it!

603
00:25:01,149 --> 00:25:01,982
Yeah?

604
00:25:01,983 --> 00:25:04,149
The jockey's gone potty.

605
00:25:05,776 --> 00:25:07,218
Skipping?

606
00:25:07,219 --> 00:25:11,297
He's playing!

607
00:25:11,298 --> 00:25:12,807
Inside leg.

608
00:25:12,808 --> 00:25:14,725
Is playing.

609
00:25:14,726 --> 00:25:16,694
I got it. Inside leg is playing up.

610
00:25:18,113 --> 00:25:19,361
Oh dear.

611
00:25:19,362 --> 00:25:20,201
Go away.

612
00:25:20,202 --> 00:25:24,541
Two words. Two words.

613
00:25:24,542 --> 00:25:26,079
In his trousers.

614
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:27,040
Shirt. His shirt tail.

615
00:25:27,041 --> 00:25:30,469
Pants, pants. The horse is panting!

616
00:25:30,470 --> 00:25:31,407
No, no, no, no.

617
00:25:31,408 --> 00:25:34,907
No, no, it's underwear. First word: under.

618
00:25:35,968 --> 00:25:38,506
Oh, under.

619
00:25:38,507 --> 00:25:39,778
Handle?

620
00:25:39,779 --> 00:25:41,150
Under handle?

621
00:25:41,151 --> 00:25:42,131
Under a car?

622
00:25:42,132 --> 00:25:43,458
Under a barrel organ?

623
00:25:43,459 --> 00:25:44,876
Under a mangle?

624
00:25:46,772 --> 00:25:47,775
What's he going for?

625
00:25:47,776 --> 00:25:49,647
Book, it's his bill pad.

626
00:25:49,648 --> 00:25:53,489
Bill pad, orders. That's it, orders!

627
00:25:53,490 --> 00:25:54,759
They're under starter's orders.

628
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:58,121
Oh, right.

629
00:25:58,122 --> 00:25:59,082
Watch?

630
00:25:59,082 --> 00:25:59,922
Time?

631
00:25:59,923 --> 00:26:01,770
Five seconds to go.

632
00:26:01,771 --> 00:26:05,938
Five, four, three, two, one.

633
00:26:07,602 --> 00:26:08,753
They're off!

634
00:26:15,931 --> 00:26:16,931
Inside leg.

635
00:26:19,050 --> 00:26:20,717
It's a lady horse.

636
00:26:22,792 --> 00:26:24,425
It's a lady horse without a bra.

637
00:26:26,008 --> 00:26:27,062
It's out in front!

638
00:26:30,425 --> 00:26:31,958
Blimey, there's another
horse passing him.

639
00:26:31,959 --> 00:26:34,768
Ooh, which one's that?

640
00:26:34,769 --> 00:26:35,602
It's a teapot.

641
00:26:35,602 --> 00:26:36,435
Teapot.

642
00:26:36,436 --> 00:26:37,804
I'll go through the field. Hang on.

643
00:26:37,805 --> 00:26:41,739
Inside Leg, Nightcap,
Frenzy, Holiday Queen.

644
00:26:41,740 --> 00:26:44,312
Oh, Holiday Queen.

645
00:26:44,313 --> 00:26:47,146
The jockey's pulling his collar.

646
00:26:49,041 --> 00:26:50,041
Kissing?

647
00:26:50,897 --> 00:26:53,546
Inside Leg's kissing Holiday Queen!

648
00:26:53,547 --> 00:26:56,646
No. I've got it, necking, necking.

649
00:26:56,647 --> 00:26:57,486
They're neck and neck!

650
00:26:57,487 --> 00:26:59,725
Good, good, good.

651
00:26:59,726 --> 00:27:03,465
Inside Leg. Is out in front.

652
00:27:03,466 --> 00:27:05,049
From Holiday Queen.

653
00:27:07,692 --> 00:27:09,490
Well it's a letter.

654
00:27:09,491 --> 00:27:11,219
He's let another horse go past.

655
00:27:11,220 --> 00:27:12,392
No.

656
00:27:12,393 --> 00:27:14,552
He's posting it. Posting it.

657
00:27:14,553 --> 00:27:15,386
Post!

658
00:27:15,387 --> 00:27:18,252
They're inside of the post!

659
00:27:18,253 --> 00:27:19,688
Inside Leg.

660
00:27:19,689 --> 00:27:20,648
He's got his nose in front.

661
00:27:20,649 --> 00:27:22,421
That's right.

662
00:27:22,422 --> 00:27:24,631
Of Holiday Queen.

663
00:27:24,632 --> 00:27:26,239
And they're getting to the post.

664
00:27:33,494 --> 00:27:35,661
Oh, we've got our money.

665
00:27:37,263 --> 00:27:40,167
Oh, we've got our money back.

666
00:27:40,168 --> 00:27:42,600
Ooh, never again. Never again.

667
00:27:42,610 --> 00:27:43,519
Here you are Mrs. Slocombe.

668
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:44,580
Here you are Captain Peacock.

669
00:27:44,581 --> 00:27:47,005
Captain Peacock, my television set

670
00:27:47,006 --> 00:27:48,851
has appeared to have broken down

671
00:27:48,852 --> 00:27:50,967
and I had to watch the race for Mr. Grace.

672
00:27:50,968 --> 00:27:52,308
He's very anxious to know the result.

673
00:27:52,309 --> 00:27:54,613
I wonder did you happen to hear from

674
00:27:54,614 --> 00:27:56,675
any of the customers or one of the staff

675
00:27:56,676 --> 00:27:58,143
which horse won it?

676
00:27:58,144 --> 00:28:01,499
Well, someone mentioned
that Inside Leg had won,

677
00:28:01,500 --> 00:28:03,472
which is of no interest to us, of course.

678
00:28:03,473 --> 00:28:04,860
That's a relief.

679
00:28:04,861 --> 00:28:06,927
Oh, so you've got your bonus, then?

680
00:28:06,928 --> 00:28:08,365
Well, nearly.

681
00:28:08,366 --> 00:28:10,525
Apparently all the
winnings goes on to a horse

682
00:28:10,526 --> 00:28:12,899
in the next race, which
is something called

683
00:28:12,900 --> 00:28:14,567
a cert at 20 to one.

684
00:28:15,954 --> 00:28:17,099
You've got a cert at 20 to one?

685
00:28:17,100 --> 00:28:18,349
What's it called?

686
00:28:18,350 --> 00:28:19,813
King of the Fairies.

687
00:28:21,735 --> 00:28:24,999
Twenty to one, we could win a fortune!

688
00:28:27,686 --> 00:28:28,519
Mr. Humphries.

689
00:28:28,519 --> 00:28:29,352
What is it?

690
00:28:29,353 --> 00:28:31,502
How do you fancy King of
the Fairies at 4 o'clock?

691
00:28:31,503 --> 00:28:33,103
I don't finish work 'til half past five.

692
00:28:35,294 --> 00:28:38,051
Quick, I need to come
on King of the Fairies.

693
00:28:38,052 --> 00:28:39,052
Come on!

694
00:28:47,030 --> 00:28:49,130
corrected by 7kozlov
 - www.myfbs.ru -

695
00:28:50,031 --> 00:28:52,741
♫ Ground floor perfumery,
stationary, and leather goods

696
00:28:52,742 --> 00:28:55,380
♫ Wigs and haberdashery,
kitchenware, and food

697
00:28:55,381 --> 00:28:57,631
♫ Going up

698
00:29:01,865 --> 00:29:04,291
♫ First floor telephones,
gents ready-made suits

699
00:29:04,292 --> 00:29:06,749
♫ Shirts, socks, ties,
hats, underwear, and shoes

700
00:29:06,750 --> 00:29:09,000
♫ Going up

701
00:29:13,262 --> 00:29:15,900
♫ Second floor carpets,
travel goods and bedding

702
00:29:15,901 --> 00:29:18,600
♫ Materials, soft furnishing,
restaurant and food

703
00:29:18,601 --> 00:29:21,018
♫ Going down

704
00:29:24,902 --> 00:29:27,659
♫ First floor telephones,
gents ready-made suits

705
00:29:27,660 --> 00:29:30,091
♫ Shirts, socks, ties,
hats, underwear, and shoes

706
00:29:30,092 --> 00:29:32,509
♫ Going down

707
00:29:36,330 --> 00:29:39,238
♫ Ground floor perfumery,
stationary, and leather goods

708
00:29:39,239 --> 00:29:41,885
♫ Wigs and haberdashery,
kitchenware, and food

709
00:29:41,886 --> 00:29:44,136
♫ Going up